Dear Lao Lao

A Christmas Letter for My Mother

Christmas 2006

My Dear Grandmother, I am not sure what I am going to call you yet. Chris likes to call you Grammy when he is teasing and I know how you two like to tease. In Chinese I would call you Lao lao, but my English name for you will be something special, because you are such a special Lao lao.

You see, I have been in Heaven watching you. I am waiting for God, to tell me when it is time, so I can be your granddaughter. I know that you have been waiting for me for a long time. You have been taking care of my Ma Ma in a way only a good Ma Ma would. You talk to her every day and keep her spirits up when she is sad or worried about me.

You helped her pick out all the pretty pink and green fabrics for my room. I watched as you washed and ironed yards and yards of fabric and helped sew my beautiful curtains. I looked on as you poured over quilt books trying to pick a pattern for my Bai Jai Bei. I will be blessed to learn by your beautiful hands, just as you taught my Ma Ma years ago. Generations.

I have watched you two shopping in baby departments dreaming about what size I will be and what season of the year I will come. I love when you tell my Ma Ma that I will not like pink… I know you do not believe this! I am lucky to have a Grandmother with such a good sense of humor.

You have already knitted me blankets and sweaters. I especially like the Christmas stocking you made with a dark haired angel on it that looks just like me! I can’t wait until I’m old enough to read the ‘Violet’ picture book you bought me for Christmas. I know that you will hold me tight and tell me about the pictures.

To prepare for my arrival you spent hours on the computer, learning all you could about adoption and Chinese culture. I watch each morning as you check “Rumor Queen” in anticipation of news that I might be coming sooner than has been predicted. Dear Grandma, Grammy, Lao lao, I can not tell you when I am coming, but I will come, when the time is perfect, I promise.

I have seen the rare relationship you have with my Ma Ma . Thank you, for loving her unconditionally and showing her a good example of motherhood. Because of your love, I have a Ma Ma who already loves me and has dreamed me in her heart since she was just a girl. Thank you for teaching her that a woman should be in control of her destiny, to be thoughtful and careful with her heart and her life. This lesson led her to marry an outstanding man; I have such a wonderful Daddy.

Thank you for teaching her to cook and bake and sew and knit and crochet, because now she will pass those things down to me. Thank-you for playing with Ma Ma when she was little, because I know, that she will not tire of playing dress-up and dolls with me. Thank you, not only for teaching her to read, but for reading books with her. By sharing books you showed her that education was not only important but fun. I will reap those rewards, just as my big brother does now. Thank-you for teaching her to love Christmas and birthdays with childlike fervor. Holidays should be wondrous for a child.

Dear Grandmother, most of all, thank you for teaching my Ma Ma to pray, to love Jesus and to never lose faith. To always Hope, to always dream and to never give up on what is truly most important. If you hadn’t set this most important example for her, I would not be coming home to her, to you.

Dear Grandma, Grammy, Lao lao, I can not tell you when I am coming, but I will come when the time is perfect, I promise.

In the mean time, know that I am watching you, as you and Ma Ma prepare my room and sew all my bedding. I will be there when you sew my Bai Jai Bei and talk endlessly about my coming. Dear Grandmother, I can not wait to meet you and be the next, in a Generation of women who desperately love each other and their children.

Waiting and Watching,

Hope