They left this morning. So very excited. Smothering me with kisses, they were on their way. Chris is going to his first Boy Scout Resident camp this week. Being the mom I am, I sent Jim with him...
I know he's not even a teenager yet, but I have been preparing myself for his leaving since he began nursery school. It was that day many years ago, when he gleefully yelled, "'bye Mama!" without looking back, I realized that this beautiful boy would not be with me forever. He had the ability to break my heart. I was vulnerable, he had me in the palm of his hand. He would be leaving me.
When my son was an infant, I was his world. He needed me for everything. As the years progressed I loved my position in life. Mother. I was a caregiver, teacher, nurse, comedian, storyteller, nurturer, friend.
When he began nursery school, he didn't need to go for educational purposes, he needed it for the social aspect. He already needed more than I could provide.
I now understand that old phrase, "Boys leave". There are levels in the development of a boy that escape my ability to nurture. To be a great mom, I have to let him go. I can't teach him to be a man.
My son is not my possession, he is a gift. I wish I could keep him with me forever, small and sweet. I never realized that in order to be a great mom, I would have to allow him to leave. That if I didn't give him his independence he would never learn to appreciate home. I never expected it to be so hard. But I know it is right.
If you love something set it free...
(Okay, with Dad, for now)
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